Monday, June 8, 2015

Republican Presidential Candidates Chastise Hillary Clinton's Support For Alien Martians, Transformers And Neptunian Voters.

This reporter has heard it from good sources on the 'grapevine,' that there are some Republican presidential candidates who have started to pile on their insults, against their Democratic presidential opponent Hillary Clinton. In the past republican politicos have been heard in their numerous secret circles, speaking out against what they perceive as massive incidents of voter fraud, committed by so called 'N' and 'M' people.... it is now suspected that their concern has evolved to include a recently emerging group that they are calling the 'T' people.

When this reporter heard about their strange references to "the N-word, the M-word , and the T-word' people, I was first confused about this alphabetical type secret language, often referred to as some sort of 'Dog Whistling' in their secret cabalistic code... but after some intense journalistic investigations, I am now able to present to you their secret intentions a bit more clearly. 

Republicans have long since been known amongst themselves as the authentic American 'Patriots,' unlike the so-called Native Americans whom they suspect are just some sort of foreign group sent here possibly by the Japanese or another Asian group. These real Republican Patriots contend that they are overwhelmingly concerned that certain 'alien' forces have been committing voter fraud since the ancient days that caused said 'Patriots'  to think up of the 'Southern Strategy.' 

Republicans have in the past used various ways to disenfranchise these 'N-word' people... the 'N' meaning the aliens from the planet Neptune. It is rumored that these 'N' people are the descendants of the 'Negroid' race which was imported from Neptune centuries ago, and consequently enslaved on America's cotton plantations.

There has also been a republican claim and indeed a push back against the 'M-word' people... aliens from the planet Mars, who are said to make frequent secret trips, from their bases in a nearby land that is riddled with criminals and drug cartels known as Mexico,  sneaking over the southern borders of Arizona, Texas, California and New Mexico, to commit voter fraud and then sneak back over the border to Mexico in the dead of night. 

In order to make a sustained and collective push against these alien groups, many Republican held states have been passing laws that require these 'aliens' to get some specific forms of 'ID' in order to vote. It is speculated that by making the aliens become disenfranchised, this will deter them from voting and thereby prevent them from swinging an election toward their Democratic presidential opponent.

It has also been learned by this reporter that their hope is this voter ID will also be able to disenfranchise the newest threat that they fear is looming, called the 'T-word' people, who are largely believed in conservative circles, to be shape shifters  from a still unknown Galaxy. They are called "Trans-formers,' as they are said to have the ability to transform their appearance by a trick called 'crossdressing' and in some cases actually transform their anatomy from male to female and even back to male again if they so choose, with different variations between male and female; for instance sometimes having both female and male attributes at the same time.

It is believed that because this Voter ID has only two distinctions on the document requiring the holder to declare being either a male or female only, that the "T" people will not be able to get said ID as there is no distinction for "T' gendered people on the document.... only M for male gender and F for female gendered persons, thereby shutting the 'T' aliens out of the voting process.

Last week Hillary Clinton called out certain GOP presidential hopefuls as being part of the secret cabal of disenfranchisers. While some of them lashed out at Clinton, one GOP hopeful could not take the hiding any longer and has since confessed to a group of his supporters, that he was in fact a closeted 'T' person and had he known in his younger years, that he could have confessed that he was a female living in a male body, and be allowed to then shower in the girls bathroom, he would have confessed since the days of his youth. 

Another unexpected breath of fresh air in the GOP hopefuls, has since birth had a male body but has long been rumored to be something other than male, and is in fact the alleged (by Stephanie Miller) first love of one of the oldest Senators, who is a real war veteran and who was once captured by the Vietcong when his airplane crashed in WWII. This fresh air candidate does have a classic female name and says that a recently confessed Transformer, who has chosen to keep both her male and female attributes in her anatomy, was welcome in the GOP circle if he is elected as President. While this suspected 'T' person seems ready to put 10,000 troops on the ground, his alleged (by Stephanie Miller) love interest has previously boasted of wanting to 'bomb, bomb,bomb,bomb bomb Iran.'

While the current outcry by GOP hopefuls against Clinton's first launched salvo at them,  is that she does not have her ear to the pulse of the American people, the Presidential race is still young and has many months to go and many months to change. This reporter looks forward to bringing you the up to the minute details as they happen.... on the front lines.

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  1. Sweet Lindsey Graham, proving South Carolina voters have absolutely no idea what they are doing on election day.